Tell me what to demand of The Onion

❋ Now, they only listen to cash. I am a member. You aren't.

❋ I have my foot in the door with a subscriber-only inbox

   directly to the third assistant of Bryce Tetraeder

❋ Tell me what The Onion should know. I will write it in a

    way that they might actually take seriously.

❋ My subscription can be used as a leverage point. You

    have no such card, in fact you have no cards:

    I hold them all. If you DO have any, give them to me.

    We must protect Phil Braun's tenure, and his life. They

    tried to kill Jim Haggerty. They nearly succeeded.